Thursday, June 2, 2011

Eunice Boring Face

I'm telling you...she has a face for radio. But unfortunately, she works in news. Someone might actually throw up should they see her twisted up, busted up face in the paper. I'm surprised people can actually stand to work near her without constantly puking their guts out.

For me, it's less about wretching, and more about being curious, and not in a good curious way. I mean, I'm curious how someone with a face lacking definition, like each feature just runs into the next and nothing stands out with beauty or intrigue, can walk around being so smug.

When I see Eunice Boring Face at work, I always feel obligated to smile at her. Like it might make it a little easier to take her ugliness if I just make nice. But each time I try to reach out and make some sort of subtle contact, such as a nod or a quick wave, I'm shut down by Her Royal Boringness.

I mean I get no response from her! For instance, this week, we passed each other three times in the cafeteria. Each time, I mustered a nod while looking right into her dead eyes. And guess what. No return on any of those communicative attempts! In fact, she often goes out of her way to not look at me. Most people, even if uncomfortable, would give an awkward nod or nervous smirk. But not Eunice. No. She won't even do the "Oops!-We-walked-into-each-other's-path, I-guess-we-should-acknowledge-one-another" smile.

I mean, I know I'm no beauty queen, but I think most people are not entirely put off by my face. I may compensate with a flashy nose ring, but typically people don't turn away in disgust. If I was 'Ol Boring Face, I think I'd work a little harder to make people not want to punch me in my ugly face.

But, just so she knows there are no hard feelings, I won a child's cosmetic mirror at Chuck E. Cheese's today and I'm going to surprise her with it by leaving it open on her desk. I'll also leave the bag in which it came - just in case she has an urge to purge.

That ought to help smooth things over between us.

1 comment:

  1. There's a woman who works in my building who's like that. She WILL NOT smile at me in passing. She always looks away. I've never even spoken to her beyond a polite "hello" nod.

    I think she hates me. I have no idea why ...